Born of necessity

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How did you come up with that, I was asked immediately when I said this to my mother. My mother is not of the thinking kind, but of the loving one, and that's why I said it. But how do you explain it? I am going to make an attempt.

I was in an extremely harmonious atmosphere, not in a body, as far as I know, but I was there. That is a clear memory, from which everything else stems. Why would someone move from an extraordinarily harmonious atmosphere to a place where everything contradicts the other thing, where people often look at each other with distrust, try to get everything for themselves and fight each other with the most dangerous weapons they can manufacture? That is highly illogical, isn't it? You only do that out of necessity.

Not everyone has such a valuable memory up for grabs but I am convinced that it lies hidden in every human being. I am nothing special – there is no reason to give me something that someone else does not get. From my memory, I have an absolute belief (although that word is sorely lacking in meaning) in justice. Everything is for everyone. Nothing happens without a reason, without a purpose, although it may seem that way. You don't need to know purpose or reason, it is enough to know that.

All right, you may say, but what is the use? You have to know what you are living for, otherwise how do you know what to do? That's the nice thing: I have discovered that if you think you know what you have to do to reach your goal, it usually takes you somewhere else than to that goal. You can see it in football matches: when the ball goes into the goal, you get closer to the goal of winning, but then the goal has shifted to yet another match, and another, and another, and it doesn't stop. You never really win. So maybe winning is not the goal, neither is becoming rich, or famous. In fact, all that kind of movement goes on and on, without end. It is exhausting. Even if you want nothing more than to die, because you have chased all those goals, then you have to live again and it goes on and on until one day you stand still and look around you. What is all this? Why am I doing this?

And then it may be that a corner of the veil is lifted up, and 'lifted up' is the right term, for where it is darker under earthly veils, it is lighter under heavenly veils. A point of light appears, settles somewhere. Where it settles is not important, that is a knowledge question. What matters is that it never leaves you. Wherever it is cosy and dim, where you can sink into a soft armchair with a drink in your hand, or where you can rush through your life without standing still, there is suddenly this little dot, which shows itself for a moment like a lightning bolt. It may call out to you that you are misbehaving, or that you are being careless, or it may give you a tip on how to look at things differently. It may also ask: do you really want to spend your time like this?

You don't have to bother with it; it doesn't exert any pressure. But you see it.

Some people see mouches volantes, flying flies that are not flies but specks, lumps in their eye fluid. If you try to catch such a speck with your gaze, it flies to the side, up or down. You cannot catch it. It is the same with this spot of light. So don't try to catch it. It comes when it is needed. It is a game changer, because it interrupts your rut, your lazy life, your blindness to what is important. And it is a pacesetter, because it lifts you up, puts you on your feet and says: 'Live!’ It does that in all languages at once so that you cannot say: I don't understand that because I come from the South or something. It is audible to the deaf and visible to the blind. It makes the lame walk... but what am I saying? Haven't we heard that before? Yes, because it also brings dead words back to life.

The dots of light can be followed like an assignment in a children's activity book: follow the dots and you will see what it becomes. It unfolds bit by bit with each dot, and on the way to dot 13 you don't yet know where 14 is. Nor do you know how big the drawing will be. I am now at a point where I think all the people are contributing to that drawing, which then becomes immeasurably large. I am doing my part and every step along the way brings extraordinary experiences.

Life becomes more and more magical, lighter and clearer, more unmerciful and merciful at the same time. More and more points of light appear so that I can see the back of things. It even becomes lighter than the front. Next to the highest sphere of my memory, there is now the deepest sphere of my present.

Now the question is answered, the need is proclaimed. The harmony experienced was not the end. There was a wish, an unknown desire, that dominated everything. There are higher and deeper layers, wider and wider circles, and I do not know the end. Maybe there is no end. Always accepting what is offered, in full trust, that is my answer to love and love is life.

Get it, Mum?

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