Older people may believe that you are lucky to ask yourself those fundamental questions so early in life. But how is that lucky? Being linked to the spiritual dimension since you are very young may not be easy to live with. Sometimes it appears to be complex. And there is no intellectual stock answer.
There are billions of thoughts within each of us. Billions of “selves”, entangled in an amorphous ball of ‘I’ thoughts. Behind those billions of thoughts, that cover the real self, there is something so magnificent that it is impossible to talk about it.
Why do some people think you are lucky? It is because they believe you are connected to this real self; this magnificent, happy self, that pours its joy, its power, its love, its immensity into you.
Some people were foreseeing this possibility, and felt it even more sharply when they entered for the first time into a pure ether field such as a temple of an authentic Gnostic school. They have learned to meet the force that reveals and opens the door to the true inner self. For them, there is a life “before” this experience, and a life “after”, since they have recognized the inner action of this force and what it changes. But they also see that this path requires effort, and they imagine that things are simpler for you.
For others, it is the opposite. They believe that young people cannot have inner experiences of a spiritual nature.
And you, how can you differentiate yourself from the active link to intense eternity? How can you distinguish the linear dimension from the immense universe that is behind all things and which is reflected in your inner self? Everything is intertwined. Does comparing yourself help you know who you are?
It may be easier to act as if there is no eternity, no spiritual core, and so not take it into account in your daily life. But we never really choose. The soul calls or doesn’t call. It vibrates and connects… or it doesn’t.
You can indeed act as if there is no opening in you to the great force that is calling. It is calling for the most intense joy, the most unifying, the most magnificent. But it also feels the pain of separation and the inability to understand that this life is not what it is yearning for. And this is not always easy to live with. We can experience this, not as a perception of the soul, but as an inner suffering.
When this force is calling you from within, it can be heard. Not with your ears, but as a sensation. It can be seen. Not with the eyes. But the light of the soul radiates from your being and gives you a particular vibe, that can be perceived by those who are sensitive to it.
Even when you say to yourself “no, no, I cannot see anything, I cannot feel anything”, you are confronted by particular life situations. Your friends, even without noticing, can be touched by this light in you. And you yourself may feel better when you are with young people that bear that same light. Because it is not about being something, or not. It is about the quality of the soul inside of each of us. It is about clearness, depth, subtlety, magic.
You grow up with an inner magic that is not always easy to live with. This can come with a feeling that is difficult to carry.
If you choose to trust this magic ...
Wonderful things can occur - such magnificent things, that no words can describe them. But strangely, it takes a bit of time. You will also find out that you are not as lonely, as separated, as you may have felt sometimes.
Try something: when you feel a lack of happiness, when awareness of imperfection grows within you, try not to be dissatisfied with it. Or just try not to project this feeling onto others around you. Rather, try to take the time to feel something leading you from the inside, and then find your way towards this inner company; to find the magical thread within silence. And when you feel the infinite hope, try not to project this onto a specific subject, but rather, let its power unfold within you. Don’t let yourself be discouraged if you do not "see" yet.
The purpose of the ego is to be the captain of your boat in daily life. But your ego cannot help you with what is of the Soul in you, for what is of this magic that awakens inside.
This magic is given to the Soul for it to be set free and become conscious again, and to act in this true reality, a vast and joyful reality. It is given to the Soul so that it may act with others in the forces of that reality.
It doesn’t prevent you from living daily life, succeeding or not, having friends. On the contrary, it gives a more fulfilling energy. And the joy of what is being woven.
Then you will go the ways of a transfigured life. Because, little by little, other aspects will awaken, unveil, connect, and modify your relation to yourself and others. It will create the possibility of a new inner friendship that was unimaginable, and it will answer a possibly unidentified yearning.
I wish you the joy that will come.